I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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