About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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