"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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