finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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