Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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