How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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