I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i barfeds in our rink
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
