no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
