The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
