I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
