But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
