He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
