I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
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Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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