real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
