Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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