I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
