Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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