Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
