opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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