At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
