so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
