i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
