sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am one with the molecules
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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