Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
