Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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