we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
