I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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