Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
