I hope mine doesn't look like that
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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