So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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