Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
