why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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