i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
