Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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