I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
