chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
