meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
