he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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