I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You need a sexual gate keeper
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
