pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
