Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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