plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just had sex bonerless
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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