I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
