sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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