apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize