that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
