In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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