I hate all girls vehemently.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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