So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
