it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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