pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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