Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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