The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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