Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
