I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
