new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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