ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
what day is it and did you see me today?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Alive.
So much puke
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
