Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
