dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They have beer where we have blood.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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