my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
