This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
