the condom got lost in my hair
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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