your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
