You just made me feel so damn special
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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