I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
