you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
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it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
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Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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