If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
