a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
