Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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