you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
